Verse 12: Forever means FOREVER...

Verse 12b: "... All the days of her life"

Took me long enough to get to part b... guess I thought I had forever to do it.

okay, lame comment aside.... let's get back to serious business.

Once upon a time, "forever" scares me. I can never understand why some people want to live forever or be involved in anything that says forever. Don't they realise that there is no end to eternity?? Of course, now that I know where I'll be for eternity, "forever" has become a rather pleasant and welcoming thought. Being with my Lord and Saviour for eternity, singing praises with my fellow brothers and sister every moment of every day... what bliss!

BUT back to sinful earth for now, "forever" in earthly time can still be quite daunting. I suppose "forever" here only refers to as long as my life span shall be. We hear courting couple drop the "forever" word a lot these days - in emails, in sms, in love cards etc etc. (love u 4ever!). Hmm... maybe it more accurate to say, "forever" means as long as I feel like it. I have to admit, that I have used the word with its wordly meaning before, not that I meant to, but rather, because I did not seriously consider the depth and importance of it.

As my 2nd wedding anniversary approaches, I find myself re-examining myself - my duties as a wife and mother. Verse 12 reads "....all the days of her life". Although it does not say forever, and very specifically states only in my earthy time, I have chosen to take it as forever. Why? To remind myselfof the big responsibility I have towards my husband. To not let me think that there is an end to my role, because I think it could be tempting to start counting down the days. No... I like to think that I will strive to do my husband "good and not evil" Forever.

Of course it is not an easy task... but with God's help, I hope I can learn to be better at it day by day. That is, I have to remember to seek God first, before trying to do it my way. That's the toughest part I think. When I try to do it my way, to plan the "perfect day" say, it always seem to fall apart. Simply because there is already a preconception of how everything should happen. It is like writing a script, and then directing it, making sure that every prop is set ont he right spot, the actors perform every line without mistake and the audience reacts as they should. I should know better than to even suggest all that, because all directors know that every live performance is different and more often than not, something unrehearsed will happen.

"... all the days of her life" does not mean a perfect rendition of my daily affairs and responsibilities. It is a desire to be consistent in my duties as a virtuous woman to my husband. I cannot be good to him one day, and bad another, just because I don't feel like it. Being a virtuous woman is not about how I feel, it is about how I treat others REGARDLESS of how I feel. At the end of the day, it remains that it is about being totally focused on God and Him alone. It is the only way to be consistent, that in spite of how angry or annoyed I am, I will live and labour for Christ alone. Not only to simply do or act out, but to do so with peace in my heart and a smile on my face.

Now that's a really tall order for me... but with God, all things are possible right?

I'm thinking right now that perhaps I should strive be a virtuous woman, just like how we should live our lives for Christ. If I should die tomorrow, can I say that that I have done only good and not evil all the days of my life for my husband? Can I see Christ and say that I have live everyday for His sake, for His glory alone?

Sure puts a lot of things in perspective...

Been away on Slack leave... random explanation.

Firstly, to the dear sisters (and bros if any) following my blog, sorry sorry sorry for the lag in post. I do mean to keep up with this portion of bible study, but sadly, I've been caught up with daily rituals and basically to tired to write anything worthy. Bad excuse, but still a reason. I suppose, when I started writing this blog, I wanted to create for myself some accountability by doing a verse by verse bible study online. Share my thought with anybody and everybody who cares to read. I feel that if I forget to write, then I am really being a bad testimony. However, at the same time, I didn't want to write for he sake of writing. I truly wanted to let God guide me in my writing and what I should share.

As I reflected on the past 2 weeks of silence, I realised that it has been a combination of factors that caused the delay. Mostly laziness and lack of focus, but also because I knew I weren't in the right frame of mind and heart, I knew I would not be allowing God to guide my thought. Rather, I'll probably be struggling to squeeze out a respectable amount of words that sounds good enough to post as some creative insight. Basically, the same thing I did while writing my essays during my uni days.

So no... I couldn't write, so I didn't.

Anyway, I'm back, more focused, and in the next post, I'll continue on V12 part b...

Verse 12: Why he will trust you

Verse 12a reads "She will do him good, and not evil..."

Well, if a wife wills to do her husband evil, she should not marry him in the first place. Unless she is a black widow who finds pleasure in torturing others, then again, that would be a totally different thing. Ladies, I am not talking about the mentally troubled here. I am examining myself and at the same time, thinking about all the wives out there. Why did we agree to be bound in marriage with our husbands? To plot evil? I sincerely hope not!

The "will do" in this part of the verse shows a conscious commitment to do what is good and beneficial for her husband. The verse does not say "she does" as in actions already performed, but "will do" meaning a wife will not only do but plan to do all that is good. With this assurance from his wife, will and can a husband not trust her? Of course, I see this being applied to husbands as well. How could they not plan to only do good to their wives? After all, husbands have a high calling t0 love their wives as their own flesh, as Christ loves us.

This is a key to a Godly marriage - that spouses are fully committed to do only good and not evil to each other. It is not an easy task for sinners even if we are born again. Our sinful nature will find ways to surface, and only by the grace of God we have His word and Spirit to help us resist the temptation to seek pleasures in evil deeds.

Think about this: This passage on a virtuous woman is not only written for ladies, but for the men as well. Women seek to become virtuous women, and men seek to find a virtuous woman. See how important this verse is? A man will seek a woman that will do him good. Proverbs 18:22 says "Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the Lord." A Good Thing! We are to be "a good thing" for our husband because it pleases the Lord. We do not do it for ourselves, or even for our husbands. We do it because it is to God's glory that we do so. By being committed to only doing good, we are really saying that we want what is best from God for our husbands.

This is a indeed a good reminder for myself. It helps me to place my priority right. That what I do should not merely be to receive some form of affirmation and appreciation from my husband. it is much more than that. I should strive to receive affirmation from God, that my actions are acceptable to the Lord.

Guess I should spend some time now and think what good things I can do... and what evil habits I ought to break.... once again... Oh Lord help me! I truly need the guidance of the Holy Spirit to guide me through this... Well, with God all things are possible...

Verse 11: The Only Need

Second part of verse 11 reads, "...so that he shall have no need of spoil"

Why should a husband trust his wife? Because he has no other need. There is no other reason for him not to. "No need" clearly shows that a man with a virtuous wife have no wants of any type of gain, because he is not lacking of anything.

Well, I must say I raised my eyebrows pretty high on realising that it is my responsibility to make myself the "Only Need", and not expecting the my husband should be contented. So it is my job, my duty as as an aspiring virtuous woman to examine myself and see how I have caused worriness, uncertainty and discontentment in my husband. woah.............

A far cry from what most women these modern times would think - If he loves me, then he will have to prove himself to me. If he loves me, he will move mountains for me. If he loves me, I should be No.1 in his life. If he loves me, he will stand by me. Why? Because I am worth it. If he can't appreciate me and have other desires, then he doesn't deserves me in the first place.

Well well, who made women so great anyway? Are we not taught that ALL of us "have sinned and come short of the glor of God"? Amazing how egoistical women have become, and how we have usurp the bibilical authority and lordship of our husbands. Of course, I am not saying that we are to be treated like worthless slaves. Afterall, husbands have a greater duty to their wifes, and that is to love their wives as Christ love His Church. Now sacrificial love is very demanding for us mere mortals. So really, compared to their duty, a wife's job to make herself the "Only Need" is not that bad.

What verse 11 is saying is simply this, ladies, make yourself useful and do not be a burden in any way to your husbands. Do not demand, but provide. Men are really quite simple - they like to be fed (very important); they like to be shown affection; they like returning to a tidy home after their day at work.

In terms of managing my household matters, I think I am alright, but improvements are always welcomed. However, I think the real difficult part about making myself the "Only Need" is the feeling that I want to be acknowledged for my work all the time. It is probably because as a stay-at-home mom I do not receive standard work awards or salary that spell out my worth.

Now writing that out really makes me feel rather pathetic for even thinking this way. I have so many physical rewards staring back at me - the smiles on my husband's and daughter's face for example. How can anyone buy that? priceless...

These verses come to mind - "Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth... But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven... For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:19-21.

I believe that the only way for me to be a happy worker, and truly turn myself into a "Need", is to keep my eyes heavenward, and remember always that all I am doing is for the Lord, even in days when I feel irritated or angry. This way, I will still want to do my best because while my sinful nature will probably cause me to work half-heartedly, I will not dare to spite my Lord and Saviour.

O truly I have to pray "Lord help me!" for this...

Prayer: Our Weapon and Shield against God's enemies

Through the last week, I was given the task to listen and review audio sermons on prayer for our fellowship group on Friday evening. The job is to search for a sermon that fits in to the current theme of the fellowship group. Well I started of really, truly and seriously searching. I used the research skills gained from years spent in the academic institution and applied it to serving God.... or so I thought.

How misguided was I? Was I not searching for sermons on prayer? Then surely I should pray harder and not relying on my feeble human efforts. Don't get me wrong, I did pray before that, and I still believe we need to do some serious work, as a preacher said, we've got to put some legs into prayer. What I felt after my first attempt at finding the "right sermon" was a sense of unworthiness. The more I listened, the more I felt I knew nothing of the power of prayer, and I had very little assurance that God heard my prayers, because I spend more time worrying about what to pray, than actually praying. And so, all my prayers at the start of my search were for nought. How could I expect God to answer them, when I don't truly believe that God heard my prayers, let alone answered them?

Too often, we say prayers like reciting the notes for a presentation. We give the information, without actually revealing if we believe the information. We tell God our list of needs, wants, fears, but we do not express our true emotional desires.

Imagine this: There is a great story to be told one day by a certain speaker. You are ready to listen. You wait patiently with much eagerness for this long awaited event. The speaker begins. You sink in your seat in disappointment. Why? The speaker merely reads from the book, without much expression. Oh sometimes he will raise or quieten his voice, but that was about it. It was not a story telling session at all. It was a regurgitation of the words printed on paper. The speaker or should I say, reader, was not interested at all to be there. He had not desire to invest his emotions into it. He was merely invited to do a jobm and he did it accordingly. Your mind switched off.

I can see that I am guilty of being like the speaker/reader when I say my prayers. That was it, I simply say it like I am fulfilling some obligation. I had no understanding of what prayer is, and how prayer has the power to move mountains. And so, I was hardly assured that God heard and will answer my prayers.

I finally let go of my "control freak" attitude on finding the right prayer, and sought that God will lead me to one. Actually God had already led me to it, but I had not considered it as the right sermon to share because of multiple reasons and not one of those reasons was that the mesaage was weak. On the contrary, the message was clear, meaty and certainly what everybody needs. The sermon? "Prayer: I will pray with the spirit and with the understanding also" by John Bunyan. (We listened to Part 1 of 4 of Bunyan's treatise on Prayer

You can listen to it on SermonAudio.com. Here's an extract from Bunyan's message:

PRAYER is an ORDINANCE of God, and that to be used both in public and private; yea, such an ordinance as brings those that have the spirit of supplication into great familiarity with God; and is also so prevalent in action, that it getteth of God, both for the person that prayeth, and for them that are prayed for, great things. It is the opener of the heart of God, and a means by which the soul, though empty, is filled. By prayer the Christian can open his heart to God, as to a friend, and obtain fresh testimony of God’s friendship to him. I might spend many words in distinguishing between public and private prayer; as also between that in the heart, and that with the vocal voice. Something also might be spoken to distinguish between the gifts and graces of prayer; but eschewing this method, my business shall be at this time only to show you the very heart of prayer, without which, all your lifting up, both of hands, and eyes, and voices, will be to no purpose at all. “I will pray with the Spirit.”

Verse 11: Caretaker of His Heart

I like how Proverbs 31 is written with 2 parts in each verse. This 2-part format helps in remembering the verses as well as understanding them without any confusion.

Verse 11 part one says - The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her...

Trust seems to be such a cheap concept these days, not only in the secular world, but sadly even among God's own. The rate of divorces is only going higher each year. Marriage is no longer a blessed union, but a contractual agreement that last only as long as it is viable for the couple to stay together. The term "commitment" has lost the sense of "till death do us part", because it has changed to "for as long as we want to". In the excitement of getting married and losing one's sanity in the preparation of THE perfect wedding, many do not truly ponder upon the significance of the wedding vow.

The Wedding Vow - I remember when we exchanged out vows. I was so focused on not getting my tongue twisted, that it felt like I did not put any real feelings when I repeated after our Pastor. Don't get me wrong, I know what I promised and I definitely meant it. It's just... well... at that moment.... maybe I'm being too critical of myself, especially being a Drama major and all. I've got to give myself a break and not see it as the "most important performance" of my life. And no, I don't mean performance as pretending, but as in a presentation of an authentic emotion. woah woah woah... I'm going to pull myself back, if not you are going to be subjected to my drama studies dribble. This is not meant to be a 300 page dissertation on performance.

Back to the VOW, yes... in capital letters, because it's oh so serious and important. It should not be something we decide to say in the most fashionable manner, but words that have to be deeply considered, understood and accepted before we sign on the dotted line so to speak. It is an unbreakable contract not only between a man and woman, but between them and God as well. You may be able to divorce each other in the eyes of the worldly law, BUT do you dare divorce God as well?

Pause and think about that.

What is a divorce, but the breaking of a commitment. And if you break a commitment with your spouse (save for reasons of fornication and desertion as stated in the bible), then truly you are breaking your commitment with God as well.

Trust should be the most valuable gift you can give to your husband, just as he should assure you of his faithfulness. Once we decide to join in Holy Matrimony, we are in fact giving... no... surrendering, our hearts and our all to each other. Verse 11 is not simply for husbands to trust their wives, but for wives to trust their husbands too. If you have been given the task of protecting and caring for a priceless object, you will most certainly be giving your 100% in fulfilling that task. Even more so we should be dedicated in being caretakers of our husbands' (and wives') hearts.

Creative Moment 1 - The Little Black Sheep

Oh Little Black Sheep,
Why are you so glum?
The birds are singing,
The sun is shining,
Come play, I say, come!

"No play, no play!"
Wails the little black sheep
"My wool's all mangled,
Twisted and tangled,
Oh woe! My days are bleak!"

"I wished I listened,
But far away I strayed.
In the maze a-wandering,
Vain pleasures and idling,
Soon in my filth I laid."

Hush little black sheep,
I hear a voice beckoning.
O how sweetly,
Softly and tenderly,
Someone to you is calling.

"I am saved!"
The little sheep weeps.
"My Master is here,
Great Shepherd so dear,
For me He sought to keep.

"No more wandering!"
Was the sheep's feeble promise,
For true to his nature,
lured by worldly pastures,
He'll soon be tempted to stray.

Yet the sheep shall remember,
The work of his Master for him.
Pain endured so great,
To save from fiery fate,
And in the Shepherd's grace ever be.

Still at V 10 - Being Virtuous = Woman Power!!

Girl Power..... well, sounds too girly for me. So Woman Power it is.

The word "virtuous" often conjure up an image of a soft spoken, shy, gentle female form, holding a tray of freshly baked cookies in one hand and a broom in the other. Ok, so maybe not everyone thinks that way, but in my once brainwashed mind, I was frightened by the thought of turning into "one of them".

The feminist movement did great damage to the Christian women, causing terrible confusion as to what our true roles are. We are deceived to thinking that being a virtuous woman will strip us of intelligence, dignity and liberty.

After rebelling against myself for so many years, I find myself back where I've always wanted to be *shock, horrors* a housewife! I am now a cookie baking, floor sweeping, clothes washing, baby feeding wife and mother! ............ Asian exclamation coming right up.... now... AIYAH!!!

But is that what being virtuous is all about? A big fat NO! The lies I have been feeding myself over the years. Craaaaaaazy. Could have saved my poor soul a lot of grief.

What does "Virtuous" mean? Simply - Strong in Morals and Character. Nothing there points to being sickeningly sweet, shy and demure. Being virtuous reflects a show of strength in moral conduct and display of wisdom and abilities. We do not have to look far for examples - look at the godly women in the bible and we find that each one of them possess quiet strength that is far greater than all the armies combined.

To borrow a line from an online sermon (http://www.middletownbiblechurch.org/homefam/prov31.htm), the first part of verse 10 could be read as "Who can find a woman of strength?" Ahhhh.... I like... Now I just need to learn to apply strength in the right areas... And this is where the rest of the passage comes in handy.

Verse 10 : Ruby Ning? Nah... just plain ol' Ruey

Verse 10 : Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above the rubies.

I remember during my junior college days in Singapore, we had some sort of a inter-class competition going. I must have scribbled my name too quickly (or more likely it was my bad handwriting), that the "E" in Ruey ended up looking like a "B". My friends had such a laugh when a teacher called out for "Ruby Ning". Ewwww.... sounded like I was some cabaret dancer from one of those 80s styled dinner theatre joints.

Now looking at this verse, I can't even imagine myself being worthy enough to be associated with a ruby. This isn't false modesty at work. I don't even know the value of a precious gem such as a ruby.

Of course, "rubies" in this passage do not only refer to the precious red stones. It means precious gems. The rarity of a virtuous woman is as rare as these precious gems.

I don't know if that knowledge makes me feel better or worse. Afterall, if it's that rare, then I suppose I belong to the majority then? Guess even if I'm not a truly virtuous woman, I can't be that bad, because there are many other women like me.

Wrong.

God doesn't want mediocracy from us. He expects His elects to be present themselves faultless, so we should demand nothing less than the best from ourselves in our service to the Lord. Yes, that's what we should do... but can I? Do I dare start this drastic change and find the virtuous woman in me? In any case, what does it mean to be "virtuous".

I can't imagine myself being this demure, gentle, pie-baking, embroidery-sewing, slipper-fetching woman. Is this what being a virtuous woman is all about?

It's too late to ponder upon this right now... off to bed... maybe I'll dream of myself as an un-cut gem, being polished... and maybe, just maybe, a virtuous woman might emerge.....

Proverbs 31:10 - 31 (KJV) - The Virtuous Woman

10 Who can find a virtuous woman? for her price is far above rubies.

11 The heart of her husband doth safely trust in her, so that he shall have no need for spoil.

12 She will do him good and not evil all the days of her life.

13 She seeketh wool, and flax, and worketh willingly with her hands.

14 She is like the merchants' ships; she bringeth her food from afar.

15 She riseth also while it is yet night, she giveth meat to her household, and a portion to her maidens.

16 She considereth a field, and buyeth it: with the fruit of her hands she planteth a vineyard.

17 She girdeth her loins with strength, and strengtheneth her arms.

18 She perceiveth that her merchandise is good: her candle goeth not out by night.

19 She layeth her hands to the spindle, and her hands holdeth the distaff.

20 She stretcheth out her hand to the poor; yea, she reacheth forth her hands to the needy.

21 She is not afraid of the snow for her household: for all her household are clothed with scarlet.

22 She maketh herself coverings of tapestry; her clothing is silk and purple.

23 Her husband is known in the gates, when he sitteth among the elders of the land.

24 She maketh fine linen, and selleth it; and delivereth girdles unto the merchants.

25 Strength and honour are her clothing; and she shall rejoice in time to come.

26 She openeth her mouth with wisdom; and in her tongue is the law of kindness.

27 She looketh well to the ways of her household, and eateth not the bread of idleness.

28 Her children arise up, and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praiseth her.

29 Many daughters have done virtuously; but thou excellest them all.

30 Favour is deceitful, and beauty is vain; but a woman that feareth the Lord, she shall be praised.

31 Give her of the fruits of her hands; and let her own works praise her in the gates.



Me? A Virtuous Woman? I am feeling the impossibility of this change. but yet I am reminded "with God all things are possible (Matthew 19:26)". Still, it seems like a tall order for me... I need to muster up some mustard seed faith, pray and simply trust in the Lord.

Why this now? Why am I prompted to seek after Proverbs 31 when I have knowingly ignored it for so many years?

My family - My loving husband and beautiful daughter.

Reading Proverbs 31 now impacts me more than any of the times I have ever heard it. I do not even dare to proclaim that I have read it... I mean really READ it. Yes, I've seen this passage, I've even read it out loud perhaps (I don't remember)... but all those time, it was nothing more than printed words on paper. I know the definitions of the words, but never really considered the true meaning and relevance to my life.

So now I seek, because I need to truly understand and apply to my life; and prayerfully with God's help, I will be able to pass this on to my daughter.

Now begins my journey...